White Cowbell Oklahoma’s XXX mess

I’m covered in aborted baby blood, and I have only myself to blame.

These are the hazards of the White Cowbell Oklahoma live experience. People near the front will get covered in every bodily fluid imaginable.

Like the Edmonton Oilers of the ’80s being forced to trade Wayne Gretzky, the band have dominated the CHARTattack CMW and NXNE report cards so easily with their mind-blowing antics that a moratorium has been placed on their getting reviewed. This night, however, is different. Their XXX-mess holiday show is their most notorious event, and since they promised new material from their upcoming Bombardero album and “Cherished holiday traditions, sullied!” this was a show not to miss.

Montreal veteran prog-punkers GrimSkunk opened to a small, mostly male crowd and were casualties of a storm lovingly nicknamed “Snowmageddon” by many Toronto media types. I felt even worse for Diemonds, who most likely played only for the bartenders.

A keyboard is something rarely witnessed at a punk rock show, but that’s exactly what added an extra layer to GrimSkunk’s sound. It thankfully ensured there was no seven-string guitar on stage or the wankery that usually comes with a guy playing a seven-string guitar. That keyboard probably has a bit to do with them getting the “prog” moniker. Well, that and lyrics like “Black void howling enchanted things as the thunder clouds roll in,” but I found the funk (”Blown To Pieces”) and klezmer (”Perestroiska”) influences just as evident.

Represenatives from the Cloven Path Ministries entertained and horrified the crowd between sets. They performed an abortion on a follower of notorious religious leader and pedophile Warren Jeffs, they faith healed a homosexual (not of homosexuality, but of nagging rectal issues) and peddled their own ministerial merchandise, from photos that stop bullets to a miracle anointing oil that cures everything from AIDS to cancer.

And then it was on to the main event.

White Cowbell Oklahoma are an assault on the senses. They fill your eyes with fireballs, strippers, cowboy hats and capes. They fill your nose with the smell of gasoline fumes and sweat and they fill your ears with southern rock and eventually the fire alarm of whatever venue they’re playing.

Sadly, sound is last on the list because it seems to be an afterthought. Like the snake oil salesmen of the Cloven Path Ministries, they distract you with the dog and pony show because they know the pitch exceeds the product.

White Cowbell Oklahoma don’t have the pure balls-out grit or songwriting ability of C’Mon, yet they’re still authentic and tremendously talented. And isn’t the whole point of a live show to get the audience to do what you want them to do? Be it chanting “Put the south in your mouth” or cheering while Santa sprays you with ejaculate from his gigantic foam penis, the crowd bought it. I was sold, too — if a little soiled.

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Laura Barrett – Victory Garden (Paper Bag)

It’s rather obvious that Laura studied linguistics at university as she packs an astounding amount of lyrics into her songs. She’s truly on par with some of the most verbose rappers. Thankfully the word ‘ho’ has been jettisoned for the less offensive, multi-syllabic “rapscallion” on Chidiya. Album opener Wood Between Worlds with it’s hauntingly beautiful kalimba and string parts sounds like it should be playing during a dream sequence in an art house film.

Unlike her Earth Sciences EP, which kept my attention pretty well throughout, Victory Garden tends to drags through the middle. A who’s who of Toronto indie musicians as guest contributors couldn’t break the monotony of the record. Thankfully things pick up near the end with Escape to the Sun Dome which had me running to the dictionary (winnow: to rid of undesirable parts) and the Adorables-esque Theremin jam, Rien a declarer which rocks in both official languages. Victory Garden is not an outright victory, but worth a listen if you like Laura or any of her many other bands.

Junior Pantherz – Rejoice, Remain (Saved By Radio)

Junior Pantherz are like an old high-school girlfriend that you bump into years after graduation. You haven’t thought about them in ages, and they still possess all the qualities that made your adolescent heart scream. But with some distinct improvements that only time and experience allow. After a short break-up, Junior Pantherz have reformed with the addition of Maygen Kardash on keys and backing vocals who adds a complimentary element to Terry Mattson’s strong, but not entirely unique voice. They’ve also jettisoned the quick pop nuggets of the late 90’s for meticulously crafted, complex rock songs. Tracks In and of Itself and High Hopes slowly build their down tempo guitar and organ grooves into soaring rockers while the crunchy power chords and foot stomping drums of The Ice Capade and Be Proud of JPZ are reminiscent of Clayton Park era Thrush Hermit, an obvious influence. Not unlike that old Girlfriend, Junior Pantherz warrant a second look.

New Buffalo – Somewhere, Anywhere (Arts & Crafts)

New Buffalo (Sally Seltmann) has garnered lots of attention recently. Somewhere, Anywhere has already been released in her native Australia and is getting Canadian distribution by Arts & Crafts. She penned “1234” for Feist’s album The Reminder, so I guess they owe her one. The electronic, sample infused indie pop and Stereolab-esque horns of her previous album The Last Beautiful Day are missing from Somewhere, Anywhere, leaving just her sweet, breathy vocals and a vintage feeling musically. That has quite a bit to do with the heirloom piano used in the recording of the album. It’s been in the Seltmann family for over a century. There is a commendable vulnerability and intimacy to Somewhere, Anywhere. From the airy piano and Clarinet of “It’s Got To Be Jean” to the playful, layered vocals on Canadian bonus track “Lobe Limbique”. In this summer of the chanteuse, New Buffalo has the potential to follow Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen as the next big thing. My mom really likes it too.

Woodhands ‘reclaim the phallus for keyboard players’

*This is a reworked reprint of an article I wrote for Chart Magazine in April of 2008.*

It’s hard to believe the funky electronic dance-pop of Woodhands comes from just two men. Keytar-toting frontman Dan Werb and rhythm section Paul Banwatt are aided only by a sea of cables, effect pedals and the energy of their raucous live shows.

It can often be difficult for a band to translate their live energy on to disc. Not so for Woodhands, explains Werb while discussing their new album, Heart Attack.

“The whole point of going to shows is to see these people grind out music. To see your favourite performer’s show, you see what they’re all about — show you where the music is coming from.”

Woodhands are among the growing trend of electronic musicians — along with the likes of We Are Wolves, Junior Boys and Holy Fuck — who address the disconnect between performer and fan by dropping the smoke and mirrors of the laptop for tangible instruments. “You got a guy with a laptop, it doesn’t matter how many other instruments you have on stage, in the back of your mind you’re gonna be like, ‘So, what is real?,’” Werb laments. “We build all of our shit on stage. There are no prerecorded samples. We build our songs right there. Everyone can see where they’re coming from.”

Woodhands have garnered recent attention for their use of a Casio AX-7 keytar. An instrument almost exclusively linked to the big hair and decadence of 1980’s synth pop stars such as Prince, John Tesh and Devo. Werb is among the new breed of electronic musicians who embrace the instrument, yet some have criticized the band for using it for the purposes of irony. Werb cautions that it is not a joke, it’s all just part of the live show. “Guitarists do it, and they never get shit for it. So I guess I’m reclaiming the phallus for keyboard players” Woodhands’ music is “groin centred” and performing onstage with an oversized phallus is one of the ways they connect with the audience.

Both Cam Lindsay of Exclaim! and Sarah Liss of Now Magazine describe the band as sexy, Werb doesn’t know where it comes from, but concedes it might have something to do with their live performance. “I love music, I love hard hard, bangin’ beats. I love Dirty synth lines, and when I’m performing I show that love. I let myself be overtaken by it… People say it’s sexy; it’s just like being in the moment and not giving a fuck what anybody thinks.”

Heart Attack’s sexiest songs, “Dancer”, about a pick-up artist on the dance floor and “I Can’t See Straight”, with it’s grinding synth fills, have been around in some form on the band’s MySpace page for a couple of years, survivors of Werb finally finding the right musical partner. “Last year I met Paul Banwatt,” he says. “Since then, we’ve written a lot of stuff together, and it’s been totally collaborative. The older stuff I wrote, we just adapt and change.”

It seems like the current incarnation of Woodhands is here to stay, which is why Werb is a bit hesitant to discuss the band’s first release, the decidedly more ambient Baggagetown EP. “We never really released it,” he explains. “We sold it at two to three shows. I’m proud of that, but it’s not our project. It’s a different project. That’s a testament to Paul’s influence, and my own growth as a performer.” Dan Werb, a Vancouver native has found a musical partner in crime in Banwatt and a vibrant musical community in Toronto, and has no plans to leave. By his own admission, “If your life gets crazy, I think the soundtrack to your life requires a drummer.” Judging by the tremendous crowd support and positive media the band has been receiving; Werb’s life is just going to get crazier.

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